I committed to launching it at 70-80% completion because lets be honest, websites are never finished. They’re constant maintenance, very much like a social presence, so if I waited for it to be “complete” I would have never went live.
But I did it!!!! It feels so nice to complete a project.
For months, I’ve been torturing my brain with information, binge-researching everything I have ever loved or taken interest in and honestly, it has been such a delight to take my interests with the same seriousness and rigor as a 4-year degree or onboarding at a Fortune 500. This is the part that gets overlooked in a lot of greats, the isolation and constant transformation it takes to birth the person you’re destined to become.
After quitting my job, it felt strange to have so much freedom. The impending personal financial crisis loomed over my head, so I ended up imprisoning myself mentally, boxing myself in to what I thought was going to make me some quick change so that I wouldn’t lose my apartment.
To say that the past few months have been difficult would be a gross understatement. Even more difficult when you have the sensation that you’re being watched by people who deliberately intended to cause you harm, sabotage your career, and discriminate against you. Also seeing people trying to build their careers off of your labor and bullying you in the process.
But the transplant tech losers are in the rearview and we are not looking back. I vowed to myself that I would never let a company define me and to never let a job title determine how I treat someone. I promised myself I would never let a corporate job be the source of validation for my self-esteem, and that I won’t be a loser in my 30s, competing with 20-something year olds because I’ve convinced myself that my life is over before it has even started. There isn’t enough ‘stability’ that is worth putting up with the insufferable misery seeping from those kind of people.
Being single is not a curse, illness, or plague. I refuse to squander the freedom that the women in my lineage before me did not have the privilege to have. I refuse to let desperation and fear drive my actions and decision making.
I will never think so little of myself that I feel the need to sabotage another person’s livelihood and tell lies in order to keep a job. There are just some things I am better than.
And that’s all I’ll say on that.
No doubt, it was really difficult healing from all of this. There’s a sort of ego death that happens when people scapegoat you because you’re Black and the youngest in the room. When people underestimate you before you even open your mouth, because they’ve already decided who you are. Especially when you know that people who do that are literally ignorant. The irony of it all is the most fascinating.
My situation was a text book case of retaliation and what’s so funny is that my manager didn’t think that I had clocked what was going on. When you underestimate people, you expose your true beliefs and intentions.
(this is the cutest I can keep it bc it’s still the internet, but they really pissed me off)
I needed to alchemize it all into something. Something for me. A space for me to be myself. I never want to be in a space, relationship, or commitment that separates me from myself. I never want to feel ashamed to be myself or share my culture. I’ll never ‘aspire’ to whiteness. It’ll never happen, literally ever. I wish people would get that so they could stop the petty competition. You can’t compete with me, and I’m not interested in competing with you.
It’s such a nuisance, like when my cat harasses me for human food, just to not eat it when I give in. Now you look stupid and I’m annoyed with 1 less chicken nugget (except instead of the chicken nugget it’s wasted time). Let’s stop wasting my time so that you can feel like you’re important. Then turning around the next day to ask me how I’m doing like you haven’t been psychologically torturing me. Like seriously, it’s insanity and I genuinely don’t care how you’re doing lol. I actually hope you’re having a bad time.
I have to talk about it. This is my safe space. A space for me to be honest, raw unfiltered, and be in process. It’s self-care, a love letter to myself in her many different forms, phases, and stages. The future is so bright for me, and I’ve learned more than anything, that I have to protect myself. When the stakes are higher, there are just more people like that. People who are fascinated by you but hate you in the same breath. Its the same obsession as love, they’re just completely in denial of it.
It’s hard not to be bitter, but bitter just doesn’t benefit me. This tells me that I needed to wake up, because they saw my potential before I even did and were trying to suppress it (and had to lie to do it).
I’m carving my own lane now. The whole experience was harsh, and I was warned I really was, but I’m so so happy it is over. Even with all of this uncertainty, I’m much happier in general. So I know in my heart that I made the right choice, and that there’s some good karma queued up for me in 2026. I really learned how to have my own back and stand ten toes down behind ME. I don’t play about me, and I won’t let people play in my face either. You can sit there and look stupid, but I certainly won’t be convinced.
Honestly, I feel like I’ve learned everything that a career in media could have taught me. I pick things up pretty quickly, at least the gist of it. It’s not rocket science, really. I’m excited to apply it to work I’m actually passionate about that inspires people.
I hope this fresh start aligns me with the right people. I know it will. Talented creatives, dope ass people who respect me and my work, share my values, and care about the world we live in. People who speak up and do the right thing. No pushovers, passive agressives, or self-proclaimed “people pleasers” please. Other souls that care about taking care of people, making art, and creating a positive change in this world. I’m so excited to share the seeds of knowledge i’ve been nurturing and turn some of my ideas into projects. AND LOOK GOOD AS HELL WHILE DOING IT. 2026, we doing it real grand!
I’m aware this first post is all over the place, but I had a lot to get off my chest. Some wild shit went down this year, but I’m still here, and I’m still standing. I’m so excited to create and see how good it gets when I take the wheel.
